Bill Eddy

Adult children are often overlooked and forgotten when their parents divorce later in life, but in these pages they will find comfort and understanding for the many feelings, frustrations, and challenges they face. For more than two decades, a silent revolution has been occurring and creating a seismic shift in the American family and families in other countries. It has been unfolding without much comment, and its effects are being felt across three to four generations: more couples are divorcing later in life. Called the "gray divorce revolution," the cultural phenomenon describes couples who divorce after the age of 50. Overlooked in the issues that affect couples divorcing later in in life are the adult children of divorcing parents. Their voices open this book, and they are the voices of men and women, 18 to 50 years old. Some of them are single; some are married. Some have children of their own. All of them are in different stages of shock, fear, and sudden, dramatic change. In Home Will Never Be the Same: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce, Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg share their deep understanding gained during the innumerable hours they have spent with these women and men in their clinical practices. The result is a valuable resource for these too often forgotten adult children, many of whom find that, whenever they express their feelings and experiences, the most important people in their lives frequently ignore and dismiss them. As the divorce rate for older adults soars, so too does the number of adult children who are experiencing parental divorce. Yet, these adult children frequently say that they are the only ones who are aware of what they are going through, no one understands what they are experiencing, and they feel painfully alone.

In a world filled with conflict, manipulation, and boundary-pushing behavior, SLIC Solutions for Conflict offers a calm and practical guide for addressing high-conflict behavior. Drawing on decades of experience with high-conflict personalities, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., and Ekaterina Ricci, MDR, present the 21/2-step SLIC Solutions(TM) method: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences. This approach helps you respond with confidence--replacing passive tolerance or reactive aggression with firm, respectful boundaries. Whether you're dealing with narcissists, workplace bullies, difficult relatives, or escalating community tensions, SLIC Solutions equips you with the tools to be assertive without being aggressive, to protect your peace, and to strengthen the social fabric around you. With calm authority, it empowers readers to become more confident limit-setters--helping make families, organizations, and communities safer and more respectful places for all. You'll learn five key questions to help ensure your consequences are realistic and effective. With real-world examples from families, workplaces, courtrooms, and communities, this book provides actionable strategies to regain control in even the most challenging situations. SLIC Solutions(TM) is the fourth core method in the internationally respected CARS Method(R) of conflict resolution--alongside Connecting (EAR Statements(TM)), Analyzing options, and Responding (BIFF Response(R)). With clarity and compassion, this book shows how to communicate boundaries, follow through, and preserve relationships--without falling into manipulation traps. Assert without aggression. Protect your peace. Strengthen your community.

People in romantic relationships with narcissists or those suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) often feel manipulated, controlled, or even abused. Partners are frequently the focus of violent and irrational rages, and may find themselves "walking on eggshells" to avoid confrontation. BPD expert Randi Kreger-author of Stop Walking on Eggshells-presents essential skills to help partners establish boundaries, communicate effectively, and make the decision to stay or leave in a safe and healthy way. From the author of Stop Walking on Eggshells comes a lifeline for the romantic partners of those with BPD or narcissistic personality disorder. With this guide, you'll learn to set boundaries, defuse arguments, and do what's right for you. Do you often feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to in your relationship? Does your partner exhibit intense, irrational, or violent rage? Are you often the victim of gaslighting or extreme blame? If your partner has borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), it's important to remember that it is not your fault. Lured in by your partner's initial charm, you might have initially ignored or outright denied the red flags; however, the constant stream of criticism, blame, and gaslighting has left you questioning your own reality. So, how can you begin to set boundaries and make self-preservation a priority? BPD and NPD expert Randi Kreger provides targeted resources to help you build the confidence you need to navigate your relationship safely and effectively. Packed with in-depth information and proven-effective skills, this no-nonsense guide will help you evaluate your relationship, discover what you truly want and need, and gain the courage needed to make healthy decisions-and act on them. If you decide to stay with your partner, you'll be equipped with tools to improve the relationship; if you determine you want to leave and start a new life, this book will light your path to freedom. As much as it might feel like it, you are not stuck in your current relationship. There is a way forward, and no matter how you ultimately choose to proceed, you'll be guided wisely and safely toward a satisfying relationship-and the better, more peaceful life you deserve

Our New World of Adult Bullies connects the dots to show how bullies at all levels of society follow the same predictable patterns of behavior. Bullies exist everywhere: families, workplaces, neighborhoods and communities, politics and government, and organizations of all types and sizes. And in a media landscape where conflict, crisis, chaos, and fear reign supreme, every day we see the worst behavior of celebrities, politicians, and other public figures who serve as role models. Winners and losers. Friends and enemies. Heroes and villains. People with high-conflict personalities think almost solely in these extremes. They regularly express unmanaged emotions, routinely blame others, and do harmful things that 90% of people would never do. Bullies share these characteristics, plus a drive to dominate or destroy their victims. But all bullies act in the same highly predictable patterns, regardless of their demographics and situation. By focusing on the ten hidden powers bullies employ—from their unrestrained nature and bully story to manipulating emotions and playing the victim—Bill Eddy unpacks the way bullies rely on primitive emotions and nonverbal behavior. He helps readers spot these behaviors and offers practical actions before they become immobilized by helplessness, blame, and shame. In today’s world, we all may have an adult bully in our lives sooner or later. For anyone who has a bully in their life now, for professionals who counsel victims of bullying, and for anyone who is concerned about the fraying of our culture and society, this book gives effective strategies to prevent bullies from taking over. Eddy’s six-step approach includes useful advice on how to: Recognize the patterns of bully behaviorPull the plug on the bully’s storySet limits with credible threatsImpose serious consequencesCommunicate effectively about bullies to othersStand strong with others against bullies Our New World of Adult Bullies takes a closer look at the dangerous behavior of bullies and how to stop the behavior before it starts.

"BIFF is simple, powerful, and impactful. This book should bemandatory reading for the entire legal industry. Once you start to use BIFF, it becomes anantidote for caustic interactions. You can'tstop the poison, but BIFF gives you the antidote to counteract it safely. Read it, apply it, and start to use power ofBIFF." --Attorney Steve Riley, Atticus shareholder and podcast host of Great Practice. Great Life. Use BIFF to Communicate with Your Ex's Blaming, Accusing and Taunting Texts and EmailsThis book providesa simple and proven method for lawyers and staff to use in ethically responding tohostile communications, correcting misinformation by others, and initiatingproductive correspondence. The BIFF Communication method can be used by all law office personnel(paralegals, administrative assistants, receptionists, and others), with 30sample responses to common situations involving hostile or misinformed emails, text messages, and other forms of communication. BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. The BIFF Communication method can also be taught to clients to help them write friendly and conciseresponses in their legal cases, saving lawyers time and reducing the escalation of unnecessary conflicts in their cases. This book explains how tocoach office staff, clients and their family members to use the BIFF Communication method, including ten easy key questions to ask when reviewing their correspondence. While this method is designed primarily for written communication, thisapproach can also be used in verbal conversations, to be efficient and respectful. The book is divided into five sections: Learningthe BIFF methodCorrespondence with clientsCorrespondence withcolleaguesCorrespondence with staff and between staffCoachingstaff and clients in the BIFF method. Each sample scenario provides a hostilecorrespondence received by the lawyer and/or staff member; then gives a temptingresponse which is not quite a BIFF (analyzed using the BIFF Checker); thengives a communication that is a BIFF.

High conflict divorce can leave children polarized within the transitioning family system, aligned with one parent and resisting or refusing contact with the other parent. Rather than becoming mired in the bottomless pit of back and forth blame, more and more courts are seeking remedies in the form of reunification therapy. Charged with helping the polarized child to enjoy a healthy relationship with both parents, we know what doesn't work: individual child therapy cannot remedy a family systems problem. Dyadic interventions with the child and either parent are seldom sufficient. Even family therapies fall short when they are not grounded in well-established, reliable and valid science. Mending Fences introduces a child-centered, systemically informed, empirically-validated and experientially-proven collaborative reunification protocol. Focusing on the anxiety inhibiting the system's healthy functioning, well-respected and long-validated cognitive behavioral exposure methods are fused with structural family therapy to reduce the child's anxieties about separating from one parent and approaching the other, the aligned parent's fears of separation and loss, and the rejected parent's fears of rejection. A common vocabulary across coordinated interventions allows children across the spectrum of ages and abilities to identify and overcome an individually tailored succession of anxiety-inducing events so as to gradually (re-)establish healthy and safe relationships with both parents. The Mending Fences protocol is practical, proven, and effective. Case illustrations, sample court orders and service agreements are included. The user-friendly discussion is peppered with up-to-date references to the scientific literature and international case law. Application via video conferencing platforms is discussed.

The level of stress and conflict in today's world is higher than seen in decades. We all can use tools for managing the emotions this has caused. At the same time, there also appear to be more "high conflict" people who are preoccupied with blaming others and verbally venting or attacking those around them. Yet, these upset emotions and conflicts can often be calmed immediately through the use of a simple EAR Statement(TM), a method developed and refined by Bill Eddy over the past fifteen years and taught to hundreds of thousands of professionals and individuals. Following on the success of his widely-known BIFF Response(R) method and books, this new book by Bill Eddy on EAR Statements will come in handy in all kinds of upset situations: family conflicts, workplace disputes, neighbor controversies, and any other setting. A simple statement communicating empathy, attention and/or respect to an angry, sad, mentally ill or any upset person at any time can work wonders in minutes. Yet it's not as easy as it looks. It takes practice and this book gives over twenty examples of applying this method in families, communities, customer relations, volunteer organizations, public service, politics, business, police encounters, racial conflicts, schools, mental health settings, and others. Empathy, attention and respect are what all people are looking for, especially when upset or in a conflict. This book will give you the details of how to calm upset people with EAR every day.

This highly anticipated second edition of Splitting is fully revised and updated, and includes new chapters on abuse, alienation, and false allegations; as well as information about the four types of domestic violence, protective orders, and child custody disputes. Are you divorcing someone who’s making the process as difficult as possible? Are they sending you nasty emails, falsifying the truth, putting your children in the middle, abusing you, or abusing the system? Are they “persuasive blamers,” manipulating and fooling court personnel to get them on their side? If so, you need this book. For more than ten years, Splitting has served as the ultimate guide for people divorcing a high conflict person, one who often has borderline or narcissistic (or even antisocial) personality disorder. Among other things, it has saved readers thousands of dollars, helped them keep custody of their children, and effectively guided them through a difficult legal and emotional process. Written by a family law attorney and therapist, and the author of Stop Walking on Eggshells, Splitting is an essential legal and psychological guide for anyone divorcing a persuasive blamer: someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and/or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). This second edition includes new information about antisocial personalities; expanded information about domestic violence, child abuse, alienation, and false allegations; how to approach protective orders and deal with child custody disputes; and a new chapter on how to successfully present your case to decision makers. Turn to this guide to help you: ·Predict what your spouse may do or say in court ·Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking ·Choose a lawyer who understands your case ·Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you If you need help navigating a high-conflict divorce from a manipulative spouse, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way.

Over the past ten years the authors have been developing and practicing tips for managing high conflict clients in mediation, which is now a fully developed new method: New Ways for Mediation.(R) This book gives all of the little tips which any mediator can use, as well as the step-by-step structure of the New Ways for Mediation method for those who want to have better control of the process in high conflict cases--or any cases. Bill Eddy is primarily a family mediator in San Diego, California, with a worldwide reputation for training mediators, lawyers, judges and counselors in methods for working with clients with "high conflict" personality disorders or traits. Michael Lomax is a mediator dealing with family, workplace, military and government agency disputes in British Columbia, Canada. Both have provided trainings in this method for High Conflict Institute over the past ten years. This book is divided into three parts: First, a thorough explanation is given of the thinking and behavior of parties with high conflict personalities, with an emphasis on what does not work and should be avoided. Second, a detailed description is provided for the New Ways for Mediation method, including several paradigm shifts in each step of the process for greater success. It's similarities and differences with interest-based negotiations and transformative mediation methods are explained. Third, numerous examples are described with special issues in several settings, including family, workplace, and disputes involving government agencies.

Hostile emails, letters and conversations can drain inordinate amounts of time, emotional energy and expense in the workplace. For over a dozen years, the BIFF method of communicating has helped thousands of people calm conflicts and create clear communication in response to misinformation, blame, and unnecessary anger in writing or in-person. This new book focuses exclusively on workplace conflicts--internal and external, with instructions in how to use the four-step method with numerous examples of what works and what does not work to demonstrate potential pitfalls. It also includes tips on how to coach co-workers and others on writing effective BIFF responses to customers, clients, employees and managers--instead of becoming consumed in unhealthy back-and-forth conversations. Using BIFF with toxic teammates, workplace bullies, and with threatening customers and clients can reduce risk of lawsuits and complaints and make everyone feel more confident in workplace relationship. BIFF is simple, practical, and can help you get the communication outcomes you want by diffusing tension, containing conflict, and establishing professional boundaries. Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. Use BIFF to lower your blood pressure, turn down the conflict flame, and restore your confidence.

In divorce and co-parenting, not only do parents need to deal with their own emotions, they may be faced with a daily barrages of hostile calls, texts, social media blasts, and/or emails. How can you regain a sense of control and peace for your own sake and for the kids? For more than a decade, the BIFF method of responding to hostile and misinforming emails, texts and conversations, has grown in use by thousands of people dealing with a person with a high conflict personality. This third book in the BIFF Communication series is especially devoted to parents dealing with issues in and after separation and divorce as they co-parent their children, complete with instructions in the four-step BIFF method and numerous examples for dealing with co-parent situations. When parents use this approach, not only do they feel good about their end of the written or verbal conversation, but it tends to influence the other parent to communicate more productively as well. While it's simple and practical, it's not natural for most of us because we are hooked by the emotional intensity. This book can help you reduce the conflict and regain your sanity by learning what to write and what not to write. Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. The BIFF is a communication game changer--it works

New Ways for Life(TM) is an easy method for teaching 4 Big Skills that can help any young person age 12-17 prepare for managing life's challenges and gaining confidence in the years to come. This Instructor's Guidecan be used by individual coaches or group facilitators of any kind--teachers, youth group leaders, scout leaders, and others--in group or individual sessions with young people using their own Youth Journal as a companion to this Instructor's Guide. The seventh in the popular New Ways(TM) series, New Ways for Life(TM) is designed to give young people a sense of control in their world; to create calmness when emotions are running high; the ability to think from another perspective outside their own; and to moderate their own behavior. New Ways for Life(TM) is designed to reduce bullying in schools and social media, help resolve friendship conflicts, manage family conflicts, eliminate violence at home and in schools, and reduce stress levels. The Instructor's Guide helps the leader or coach assist the young person in learning the 4 Big Skills that can help anyone for a lifetime: 1) managing emotions 2) moderate behaviors 3) taking responsibility 4) flexible thinking. It provides examples and suggestions for discussion and reflection

New Ways for Life(TM) is an easy-to-learn method for acquiring 4 Big Skills>b/> that can help any young person age 12-17 prepare for managing life's challenges and gaining confidence in the years to come. The Youth Journal offers encouragement and easy lessons for managing emotions, using flexible thinking, applying moderate behavior to fit the situation, and taking responsibility for using these skills in daily life. The seventh in the popular New Ways(TM) series, New Ways for Life(TM) is designed to reduce bullying in schools and social media, help resolve friendship conflicts, manage family conflicts, eliminate violence at home and in schools, and reduce stress levels. This personalized journal is intended to be confidential and can be used again and again when young people come up against difficult or stressful situations. It's not complicated and there are no tests at the end. Not everything learned at school will be used in the future, but these 4 Big Skills will help for a lifetime. Students, scouts, youth group attendees, support group members, or any young person can use this Youth Journal to enhance his or her life-long relationship and conflict resolution skills.

In this tenth anniversary edition of Don't Alienate the Kids attorney, mediator, and therapist Bill Eddy shows readers how to protect children from the harm of alienation and high-conflict divorce, boosting their resilience by teaching them to think flexibly, manage their emotions, and moderate their behaviors. We all know breakups can get ugly. But sometimes they can get downright vicious, with badmouthing, brainwashing, and allegations of alienation, child abuse and domestic violence, all leading to nasty custody battles. And when they do, it's the children who suffer most. During a high-conflict divorce or separation, kids can develop lifelong habits of all-or-nothing thinking, unregulated emotions, and extreme behaviors. Professionals who want to help may unintentionally make things worse, believing everything a parent says or taking sides. No one can solve this problem alone. That's because the wall of alienation between parent and child is built by: the family's own patterns of conflict family court professionals who get emotionally "hooked" society's rapidly escalating culture of blame But there's hope Readers can help kids learn flexible thinking, emotion regulation, effective behaviors, and healthy relationships. Everyone involved must work together. This book shows how parents, family members, friends, counselors, lawyers, parenting coordinators, divorce coaches, and family court judges can become part of the solution, giving children a foundation of resilience that will last a lifetime. Bill Eddy is cofounder of the High Conflict Institute and the author or coauthor of thirteen books, including Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life, BIFF, and Splitting.

Divorce is hard enough even in the best of circumstances. But what if your spouse is trying to turn the kids against you? What if your ex is hauling you into court over every little thing? What if you're being falsely accused of child abuse or domestic violence? Worst of all, what if you've been cut off from your children entirely? High-conflict divorce is just about the most devastating, soul-wrecking experience imaginable. The unrelenting chaos and pain can leave you exhausted and despairing. Legal fees can become a huge strain. And most importantly, there's the impact on your children, who may be grappling with anxiety, struggling at school, acting out, or turning to substances to cope. How can you keep it all together? In The High-Conflict Co-parenting Wellness Planner, high-conflict divorce experts Megan Hunter and Andrea LaRochelle offer hope and a wealth of advice. The healthier you are as a parent, the better you'll be able to help your children. Week by week, the authors guide you in taking care of yourself while navigating conflict. You'll learn practical strategies for handling the most common co-parenting scenarios. And you'll discover new ways to manage your own anger, worry, fear, stress, and grief. As hard as it may be to believe right now, it is possible to move beyond the conflict. You can overcome the frustration, regain your balance, and ultimately find freedom - from the overwhelming feelings, from the drama, and from your ex's hold on your life. This book shows you how.

Bestselling psychologist, Bill Eddy, describes how dangerous, narcissistic, high-conflict personalities have taken leadership of governments worldwide--and how citizens can keep these people out of office. Democracy is under siege. The reason isn't politics. It's personalities: too many countries have come under sway of high-conflict politicians (HCPs). Most of these HCPs have traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial (i.e., sociopathic) Personality Disorder, or both. This is the first and only guide for identifying and thwarting HCPs. Bill Eddy says the key to understanding HCPs is their use of what he calls the Fantasy Crisis Triad: 1. There's a terrible crisis 2. It's caused by this evil person or group.3. I'm the only person who can solve it and save you. Using Hitler, Stalin, Putin, Berlusconi, Chavez, Nixon, Trump and others as case studies, Eddy shows how HCPs create or exacerbate conflict to manipulate our emotions and rise to power. But he also shows how we can spot HCPs early on (he includes a checklist of 40 typical behaviors), respond to them effectively, and identify and give our support to genuine leaders.

Do you know someone whose emotions flip-flop from one moment to the next? Do they seem suspicious or jealous of others or antagonize you for no reason? You might be dealing with a high-conflict personality. 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life is about people who are beyond difficult. When a high-conflict personality coincides with one of five common personality disorders--Borderline, Narcissistic, Paranoid, Antisocial, or Histrionic--they lash out in dangerous extremes of emotion and aggression. High-conflict personalities can seem charming and trustworthy for years, until one day they verbally attack you, attempt to ruin your reputation, or even threaten you with physical harm. HCPs blame everyone but themselves for their difficulties in life, and once they decide to target you, they're hard to shake. Bill Eddy, a law professor with extensive experience as a conflict mediator and therapist, will teach you to protect yourself from these attacks. With helpful anecdotes and expert advice, Eddy explains the warning signs of each high-conflict personality and how to avoid them using easy, proven conflict management methods and mediation techniques. With 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life you'll learn to safely manage or break free from a relationship with an HCP and safeguard your reputation and personal life in the process.

Why do so many of us commit to the wrong person? Most believe that attraction and compatibility are the keys to relationship success when, in reality, these are red flags in 15-20% of the population. When it comes to love, the brain is irrational and shortsighted. We make decisions based on incomplete information, biased understanding, and strong emotion. Love truly is blind. That's why you need dating radar, it gives you a way to detect hazards you might otherwise miss by recognizing: 1. Warning signs of certain personalities that can spell love relationship danger 2. Ways that they can jam your radar (deceive you) 3. Where your own blind spots might be Attorney, mediator, and social worker Bill Eddy and relationship expert Megan Hunter use their expertise in high-conflict personalities, complicated relationships and divorce to equip readers to see through the blinding spark of new love and spot potential toxic relationships before it is too late! If hindsight is 20/20, dating radar is x-ray vision. Bill Eddy is an award-winning author and president of High Conflict Institute. Megan Hunter is a publisher, author, speaker and the founder of Unhooked Media.

He has taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years and he is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College. He is a frequent lecturer at Monash University in Australia. This book has been used in all of these courses and has been used in other academic settings by other instructors.

Trump Bubbles: The Dramatic Rise and Fall of High-Conflict Politicians is the first book to really explain the rise and fall of Donald Trump, candidate for President of the United States of America. What's a trump bubble? It's when emotions trump thinking in politics. When fear trumps facts. When leader love trumps logic. Donald Trump is the most recent trump bubble, but trump bubbles have occurred before and will again. Remember the dot.com bust of 2000? The housing and stock market bubbles that burst in 2008? They were held up by "irrational exuberance." Now there's the Donald Trump Bubble. People love him or hate him or are totally confused. However, he is quite predictable, if you understand high-conflict personalities. Trump Bubbles explains the rise-and-fall pattern of high-conflict politicians, focusing on the case of Donald Trump and the questions people ask: * Why do people compare him to Adolf Hitler in the 1920's? * Why do people defend him despite his outrageous statements and beliefs? * Will he become reasonable if he ever becomes President? * Does he have narcissistic personality disorder?* Will he settle on a set of policies, or will he keep changing impulsively? * Could he be a good thing for American politics? * Would he start World War III? * How do you stop trump bubbles once they start? * What happens when a trump bubble bursts? To answer these questions, award-winning author, Bill Eddy, relies on social science, psychology and history, as well as his years of training professionals in dealing with high-conflict personalities and situations. It's a beautiful thing!