Gordon Neufeld

Argues that the growing phenomenon of peer orientation--using one's peers for a sense of direction, values, identity, and codes of behavior--is undermining family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters an aggressive, sexual youth culture, and explains how to reverse the trend to serve as a source of guidance, love, and security for children. Reprint. 15,000 first printing.

Novaja redaktsija, s dopolnitelnoj glavoj! Neudivitelno, chto vse bolshe roditelej i professionalov projavljajut interes k teorii lichnostnogo razvitija, osnovannogo na privjazannosti (teorii privjazannosti), razrabotannoj Gordonom Njufeldom. Ved imenno ona objasnjaet, naskolko vazhny dlja psikhologicheskogo blagopoluchija i uspeshnogo lichnostnogo razvitija rebjonka tjoplye otnoshenija s temi, kto za nego v otvete i zabotitsja o njom. S kratkim opisaniem modeli razvitija, osnovannogo na privjazannosti, mozhno oznakomitsja v broshjure G. NjufeldaV dannoj knige rassmatrivaetsja razrushitelnoe vlijanie na vzaimootnoshenija vzroslykh i detej, kotoroe okazyvaet konkurirujuschaja privjazannost k sverstnikam, kogda rebjonok nachinaet prislushivatsja k svoim druzjam bolshe, chem k roditeljam, kogda druzja stanovjatsja neprerekaemym avtoritetom, a roditeli rassmatrivajutsja iskljuchitelno, kak pomekha v zhizni i istochnik deneg. Njufeld dokazyvaet, chto v silu svoej nezrelosti deti ne sposobny zabotitsja drug o druge, obespechivat prostranstvo dlja lichnostnogo rosta i bezuslovnoe prinjatie. A ved imenno v etom sostoit glavnaja zadacha vzroslykh - dat svoemu rebjonku oschuschenie nadjozhnoj i bezopasnoj privjazannosti, oschuschenie, chto on nakhoditsja pod nadjozhnym krylom roditelskoj ljubvi, gde emu ne strashny nikakie nevzgody. Avtor uveren, chto otnoshenija dolzhny zanimat tsentralnoe mesto v vospitanii detej. "Ne vazhno, chto vy delaete ili ne delaete, vazhno kakie u vas otnoshenija s rebjonkom", - govorit Gordon Njufeld. V primerakh, privodimykh avtorom, rech v osnovnom idjot o podrostkakh, no, bezuslovno, sam podkhod primenim k detjam ljubogo vozrasta. Poetomu, chem ranshe roditeli oznakomjatsja s knigoj, tem verojatnee oni smogut izbezhat oshibok, o kotorykh potom pridetsja sozhalet, i dlja reshenija kotorykh potrebuetsja bolshe sil i vremeni. Glavnoe dostoinstvo knigi v tom, chto avtor ne tolko opisyvaet problemu, no i predlagaet effektivnye strategii i podkhody k nalazhivaniju i sokhraneniju vzaimootnoshenij mezhdu roditelem i rebjonkom. Eto javljaetsja dolgozhdannoj alternativoj mnogim knigam i publikatsijam o roditelstve, propagandirujuschim primenjat k detjam povedencheskie tekhniki kontrolja, napominajuschie dressuru. Njufeld pomogaet roditeljam vosstanovit svoju prirodnuju intuitsiju, otkazatsja ot neodnoznachnykh praktik tajm-autov ili ispolzovanija v vospitatelnykh tseljakh togo, chto dorogo detjam, protiv nikh. Ved rukovodstvujas etimi sovetami, mnogie roditeli uzhe ponjali, chto oni ochen khorosho rabotajut v korotkoj perspektive, no nanosjat ogromnyj uron otnoshenijam. Kniga vpervye vyshla v Kanade v 2004 godu i v techenie neskolkikh nedel stala natsionalnym bestsellerom. S tekh por, pomimo russkogo, ona byla perevedena na frantsuzskij, nemetskij, ispanskij, vengerskij, portugalskij, japonskij, korejskij, shvedskij, norvezhskij i gollandskij jazyki. Pervoe izdanie knigi na russkom jazyke sostojalos v 2012 godu, i tirazh zakonchilsja v pervye zhe mesjatsy. Eto podtverzhdaet ne tolko rasprostranennost problemy otchuzhdenija podrostkov, no i osoznanie roditeljami vazhnosti sokhranenija otnoshenij s detmi s samogo rannego vozrasta.

‘Maté’s book will make you examine your behaviour in a new light’ Guardian‘Bold, wise and deeply moral. [Maté] is a healer to be cherished’ Naomi Klein, author of No Logo and The Shock DoctrineChildren take their lead from their friends: being ‘cool’ matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity and codes of behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents. But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous – it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up becoming conformist, anxious and alienated. In Hold on to Your Kids, acclaimed physician and bestselling author Gabor Maté joins forces with Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting. Together they pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on how to ‘reattach’ to sons and daughters, establish the hierarchy at home, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your children's loyalty and love. This updated edition also addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media. By helping to reawaken our instincts, Maté and Neufeld empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of contact, security and warmth for their children.

Psikhoterapevt Gordon Njufeld i vrach Gabor Mate pishut o takom plokho izuchennom fenomene detsko-roditelskikh otnoshenij, kak zameschenie privjazannosti k roditeljam privjazannostju k rovesnikam. Avtory schitajut etu tendentsiju odnoj iz samykh razrushitelnykh i nepravilno ponimaemykh v sovremennom obschestve. Oni pokazyvajut, kak i pochemu deti postepenno terjajut s nami kontakt, i kak poterja etogo kontakta negativno vlijaet na ikh psikhoemotsionalnoe razvitie. Kniga budet polezna roditeljam detej ljubogo vozrasta - ot malyshej do podrostkov, psikhologam, a takzhe vsem, kto po rodu dejatelnosti prizvan zabotitsja o detjakh.