Harry Reis

A globally renowned happiness scientist and a top relationship researcher draw on the science of happiness, love, and human connection to offer a powerful framework to help readers appreciate and nurture what makes them feel truly loved. A globally renowned happiness scientist and a top relationship researcher draw on the science of happiness, love, and human connection to offer a powerful framework to help readers appreciate and nurture what makes them feel truly loved. 'There aren't two scientists in the world I trust more to deliver research-backed, actionable recommendations on how to improve your relationships.' ANGELA DUCKWORTH, bestselling author of Grit 'A deeply-researched and beautifully-written guide to finding what we all need for true happiness. This book might change your life. ' ARTHUR C. BROOKS, bestselling author of The Happiness Files ----------- We can be loved - and still not feel loved. Many people believe that if they behave the right way, say the right things, or make themselves more lovable, they will feel more loved. But this kind of reflexive thinking is fundamentally misguided, causing a disconnect that can lead to loneliness, depression, and self-doubt. Sonja Lyubomirsky, the world's preeminent expert on happiness, and Harry Reis, one of the world's leading experts on relationships and connection, have studied the complexities of well-being and love in depth. Truly feeling loved, they've discovered, differs widely from the actions that we usually associate with loving, being loved, and falling in love. In this exceptional book, they present a radical, hopeful, and science-backed shift in how to think about love, revealing that feeling loved isn't about making ourselves more appealing, available, and lovable - it's about showing our full and vulnerable selves to others and encouraging our loved ones to reveal their full and vulnerable selves to us. This is true for romantic love but also for the love we feel in friendship, family, and beyond. In How to Feel Love, they introduce five powerful mindsets - tools to help us feel the love we crave with the people in our lives- A Sharing mindset - showing our vulnerabilities and inner world, not just the polished parts A Listening-to-Learn mindset - making space to truly tune in to another, not just to take turns speaking A Radical Curiosity mindset - being genuinely interested in another and asking better questions An Open-Heart mindset - being kind and affirming to another for who they truly are A Multiplicity mindset - embracing the messy complexity in all of us These mindset shifts give shape to a dynamic back-and-forth process the authors call the Relationship See-Saw, which will help readers remake their conversations in ways that enable them to deeply know those they love and become deeply known by them. It isn't enough to be loved. To be truly fulfilled, we must feel loved. This book shows us how. ----------- 'A gift to anyone who wants to live with more joy and connection.' DAN BUETTNER, bestselling author of The Blue Zones

In this pioneering work, a renowned happiness scientist and a top relationship researcher draw on the science of happiness, love, and human connection to offer a powerful framework to help readers appreciate and nurture what makes them feel truly loved. We can be loved--and still not feel loved. Many people believe that if they behave the right way, say the right things, or make themselves more lovable, they will feel more loved. But this kind of reflexive thinking is fundamentally misguided, causing a disconnect that can lead to loneliness, depression, and self-doubt. Sonja Lyubomirsky, the world's preeminent expert on happiness, and Harry Reis, one of the world's leading experts on relationships and connection, have studied the complexities of well-being and love in depth. Truly feeling loved, they've discovered, differs widely from the actions that we usually associate with loving, being loved, and falling in love. In this exceptional book, they present a radical, hopeful, and science-backed shift in how to think about love, revealing that feeling loved isn't about making ourselves more appealing, available, and lovable--it's about showing our full and vulnerable selves to others and encouraging our loved ones to reveal their full and vulnerable selves to us. This is true for romantic love but also for the love we feel in friendship, family, and beyond. In How to Feel Loved, they introduce five powerful mindsets--tools to help us feel the love we crave with the people in our lives. A Sharing mindset--showing our vulnerabilities and inner world, not just the polished parts A Listening-to-Learn mindset--making space to truly tune in to another, not just to take turns speaking A Radical Curiosity mindset--being genuinely interested in another and asking better questions An Open-Heart mindset--being kind and affirming to another for who they truly are A Multiplicity mindset--embracing the messy complexity in all of us These mindset shifts give shape to a dynamic back-and-forth process the authors call the Relationship Sea-Saw, which will help readers remake their conversations in ways that enable them to deeply know those they love and become deeply known by them. It isn't enough to be loved. To be truly fulfilled, we must feel loved. This book shows us how.

In the World Library of Psychologists series, international experts themselves present career-long collections of what they judge to be their finest pieces - extracts from books, key articles, salient research findings, and their major practical theoretical contributions. In this fascinating volume, Harry Reis reflects on a career that has earned him an international reputation as an eminent scholar and pioneer in the field of relationship science, through a selection of papers that illustrate the foundational theme of his research career: the importance of relationships for human well-being. The book charts the development of research in social psychology and relationship science through three key themes; from the relationship context of human behaviour, through to the value of studying behaviour in its natural context, and finally intimacy and responsiveness in close relationships. Also featuring a newly written introduction by the author contextualizing the selections and offering an intimate overview of his career, this collection of key publications offers a unique and compelling insight into decades of groundbreaking work, making it an essential resource for all those engaged or interested in the psychology of relationships and well-being.

In the World Library of Psychologists series, international experts themselves present career-long collections of what they judge to be their finest pieces - extracts from books, key articles, salient research findings, and their major practical theoretical contributions. In this fascinating volume, Harry Reis reflects on a career that has earned him an international reputation as an eminent scholar and pioneer in the field of relationship science, through a selection of papers that illustrate the foundational theme of his research career: the importance of relationships for human well-being. The book charts the development of research in social psychology and relationship science through three key themes; from the relationship context of human behaviour, through to the value of studying behaviour in its natural context, and finally intimacy and responsiveness in close relationships. Also featuring a newly written introduction by the author contextualizing the selections and offering an intimate overview of his career, this collection of key publications offers a unique and compelling insight into decades of groundbreaking work, making it an essential resource for all those engaged or interested in the psychology of relationships and well-being.